full

Well...things have not been as dry and uneventful as my lack of blogging might indicate. Life has been full and wonderful and challenging.

My mom has an appointment to be seen at Emory on March 8th. The call with an appointment time...finally...was so relieving and helped me feel hopeful as well as very overwhelmed. They need $500 for us to walk in the door...everything else after that will be discussed and set on a payment plan. you know what though? Who cares about the money really. We just want so badly to have answers and plans and solutions. Besides, can't you add paypal buttons to blogs? LOL! Tim has had a great couple of months in his practice and because of that, sacrifices, and his incredible commitment and drive to pay off our debt, he has been able to put a significant amount of money toward paying down our credit card debt. It has been so very encouraging and inspiring and wonderful despite the sacrifices. Now it just seems so hard to struggle with the idea of $500 being so monstrous when we just had it...just not for medical bills...except that we MUST pay off some debt for our own lives and freedom...except I'd give up everything I have for my mom...except she would never ever want that...and so on.

Anyway, I have to be honest and say that I have missed a couple of days of reading and praying for 30 minutes since the last post. Ironically, it was during or due to preparing for a conference our church just hosted for the southeast. I had several hour practices several nights last week that led me into my door and straight in the bed, had full, good days, over the weekend with the conference, and then ended the weekend with a late night out when Tim surprised me with a babysitter on Valentine's Day while we were already in Atlanta. This week's challenge has been being sick with a nasty cold Tim and I both seem to have gotten from the kids.

Life is so full, isn't it? I guess I wouldn't want it any other way. The bible urges us to "consider it pure joy whenever [we] face trials of many kinds." I could list a lot of things that bring me joy, and trials and suffering would not make it to the list at all, but this scripture (James 1:2) tells me to consider those bad things (to me) "pure joy." Maybe hard times are what allows me to experience true, pure joy. I was deeply moved by God while singing in the choir at the conference this past weekend. This is what I want my heart to sing out to God each day:

Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful, where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on me, when the world's all as it should be, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name.

Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your glorious name."
You give and take away. You give and take away.
My heart will chose to say, "Lord, blessed be your name."

I could not stop crying while singing the "give and take away" "my heart will chose to say." wow...just so who I want to be. My friend Brianne, whose husband died of brain cancer less than a year ago, had this heart. I could actually see her in the crowd while I was singing this song. No matter what happens in my life, I want to be able to sing this song and mean it.

Off to drink some coffee and get more caught up on Lost and American Idol on the computer (we have not missed our TV service, btw!!).