failure

Well...must be honest. We are not exercising much over here. I worked a TON last week. I was away from home from early morning until later evening on tues, thurs, and friday, and pretty much could not move when I got home those days and had a busy Wednesday afternoon/evening as well. I basically only exercised on Monday. I feel gross, but am not sure if it's just the superficial kind of feeling of failure at something I said I would do on this blog, or the ten pounds I have gained since a year ago at this time, or my general low mood lately. Probably all of the above. I spent last week on the road to Commerce and Elberton and Watkinsville and Athens and back and forth all over again. With that, came stops at McDonald's, gas stations, and Subway (very familiar with the gas station subway in Comer on my way home from Elberton). I "needed" food and coffee and coke zero and this and that to keep me going. I had very little energy to pack food from home each night/morning, and so I just got and stayed on a roll spending money and eating lots of unhealthy stuff. Oh yes...the doughnuts. I got a dozen doughnuts one night on my way home after working and driving over 14 hours that day. I mean, it's understandable, but so yucky.

So...the most prominent things I feel today are that I don't have anything cute to wear, I want a $50 haircut (I love Lyric at Republic!) but spent all of my extra money and now don't have enough for groceries for the rest of the month, I wish my stomach wasn't so flabby and fat and don't understand why I don't see this sort of problem for anyone else I know, I hate that I started drinking soda after stopping for so long...and really, I think I'll stop there since there is little reason to think of more. :)

Am I really a failure? of course not. I totally know that I am amazing and strong and am doing great things in my life right now. I am even beautiful. Who isn't? I don't like the standards for beauty at all in this world. Of course I am beautiful. I have great character and love. God made me perfectly. Why do I look at myself with the same standards I hate as my judge? I should stop.

I should also spend my Christmas money on a haircut and clothes. But...then I will have none, and I will be insecure. lol.