I felt so amazingly calm this morning after washing some clothes, ordering some Christmas gifts, and planning out a productive day of Christmas (and otherwise) errands. I think I actually may be able to live with the darkness and calm of the house at 10:30 if I have hope that there will be a day to catch up at the end of a very late night, busy week. This morning was really all I needed. Everyone got baths, even, which just the night before, felt like an overwhelming feat.
Tim and I are in the process of deciding if we will allow the television to return or do without it for this year and put the $600 ($50/month) towards our debt. My heart started to beat a little faster as I typed that, but I'm not sure whether it was because of the idea of not having TV for a year or due to thinking about our debt. Whatever the case, it does really sound like a more productive, creative, simple way to live, and I like that. When I say TV, I guess I really mean the service. We will return the big machine itself to it's rightful place as the focus of the living room, which really will be a little depressing for me. I have some sort of really strong visual/aesthetic issues that make me feel very seriously that I want to surround myself with fabrics and wood and homemade items...the warmth is so enveloping to me. The television set manages to suck something out of me and I love having it physically gone. I also love watching TV with Tim at night, so although it sounds like it would be easy for me not to miss the TV, it does make me a little sad to think about losing some of the shows Tim and I like. But then...I think we could just watch them on the computer sometimes and not end up losing anything. Tim will return the TV set at the end of the month because he has game systems he thoroughly enjoys as his wind down time when the kids are not around, and he plans to continue to play them in the next year.
So...do I really want the big crappy machine in my house for me to live with and the kids to ask to watch, but then not have any service? I'm not sure.
I am learning. Learning how much I want to appreciate stillness, and how little I value rest when there are "things to get done." Is there really a time when everything is done? No wonder I used to be up until after midnight. But then half the time, I was chatting, reading, etc on the computer, and not just doing laundry and dishes and cleaning all night. I used to feel like I was wasting time all the time, and I have not felt that way at all so far this month. I wonder what my final conclusions will be at the end of the month.