I am praying diligently to understand God's love for *me,* how he's truly on my side, and how he has great plans for me. I know and understand these things intellectually, but I think God has been trying to plant seeds of greatness in my mind and heart, and I immediately down play and minimize and settle for a barely get by sort of attitude. I am so excited and inspired by Tim's mission to pay off our debt, but I immediately get this feeling of "we'll do what we can do...probably won't be too much" feeling/attitude. How is that helpful at all? God wants me to have the desires of my heart, nothing is impossible with him, he blesses my faith, he has great plans for me...these are all in the Bible.
It's not just in the area of debt that I need to understand these things. I want to remember that in being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, at my job, everywhere! I want to know and be confident that God has great plans for me, that he can turn bad situations around...even if it takes a LONG time (like with Job). I am passionate and have great dreams, but my mind fails me and takes me back so far to the "I'll never get up when I need to," "I dream of doing this and this for the world, but that will probably never happen," etc. My mind is not set on great things happening, my eyes are not "fixed on Jesus." My faith is little. Hence, I am praying and changing...and excited about all of the great things that will happen this year.
Today was a great day. I got home from work at 10:30 and the kids were asleep by 7:30. So we had nine great hours at home. I got 100 pages of my book read as well as time reading my Bible at different times throughout the day while the kids played or watched TV. The kids ate a yummy picnic lunch in front of the TV while I ate and read my Bible and then made coffee for myself. We had a fun dinner together where the kids ate (get ready!) cheese tortellini and pesto and walnut ravioli with garlic and olive oil sauce. I cooked the frozen ravioli because I wanted to be able to use the sauce on both pasta dishes and have plenty to eat for lunches/dinners for the week. I was not expecting the kids to eat the pesto and walnut part, but Isaac loved it. I served the kids yogurt with dinner, like I usually do when I am not sure if they will eat what I cook, so they ate the yogurt and a full plate of pasta. Tim just ate when he walked in the door from court to a sleeping house, which made him "happy, but I do miss the kids." The kids and I had a dress up time today where Isaac and I took turns being the king and queen and "getting married together." Getting married means dancing for a long time in beautiful attire. I hope Isaac keeps his love of singing and dancing...and dressing up. Kendall was the princess every time, of course. Being a princess meant wearing some swim goggles along with the regular princess attire, which had Isaac and I both laughing. Isaac also performed a magic show and several puppet shows while Kendall and I watched and clapped.
Today truly was great.